Bullied? Here's How To Build Your Resource

Ever walked out of a meeting, a conversation, a room… and felt unimportant, embarrassed or angry – maybe all these emotions and more?

It wasn’t obvious to most, or at least most avoided what happened. Because it’s easier.

Something was said — or left unsaid — and it landed in your body like a punch.

Thoughts swirling, trying to break down what just happened: “How shall I react, or not react?”

Emotions are triggered both in the brain and the body. Tight chest. Hot face. Frozen tongue.

The old saying of “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. Well, what a load of rubbish that saying is! Words do hurt. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes not.

Bullying doesn’t always wear a name badge. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and it is increasing – not just in the workplace, but in personal relationships, schools – an encounter with a stranger.

Then this happens to you, you feel triggered but unable to react in any meaningful way to you. “Why didn’t I say something, disagree with what was said, stand my ground?”

Because when we’re triggered - we react. Often silently on the outside, yet eroding self-confidence and self-esteem.

HOWEVER, we can learn a different response and build our own toolkit of emotional resilience and empowerment. One of these tools is building our own RESOURCE or resources on how we would prefer to FEEL and BE instead. 

How? By creating new neural maps, new templates of response in the brain. We have about 100 billion neurons in our brain, "neurons that fire together, wire together". It is a foundational principle in neuroscience. The goal is to create a new response overriding the old. A bit like updating our out-of-date software.

Here’s a process I often use with clients (and myself):

(maybe you want to grab a piece of paper and write down your responses…)

1. What am I thinking (when I recall it)?

   
   

2. What am I feeling? (break it down, observe, reflect). Include what is happening in your body too.

   
   

3. Who or what triggered the reaction. Maybe it’s a ‘type’ of person, maybe it’s a type of environment you’re in, maybe something else?

   
   

4. What part of me is being triggered?  What is the resistance I am experiencing?

   
   

5. ACCESS my RESOURCE. How do I step from the trigger to my own resource – how I want to FEEL and BE instead? 

While building your positive response, put all the senses that you can access into it. Make it as real as possible, so it becomes a new neural connection.

💬 Has this happened to you lately? What helps you get back to your voice?

Note: Bullying in the workplace is a global, significant and costly challenge.